“To Love or Not to Love?” That is the Question . . .

. . . When Empathy leads to Compassion & Forgiveness . . .

Written by

Amazingrace

~ In the Beginning ~

            It all seemed so ugly and no one seemed to really care.  If they weren’t covertly manipulating and controlling their environment there was dead silence.

            Routinely a voice would pray fervently, “Precious God and Heavenly Father, we come before thee to ask that this little baby growing inside my wife be a boy.”

            “I am a girl” ~ "Why won’t I do?"  ~ "Who was he talking to?"  ~ "Why can’t he hear me?"  Maybe she could be the boy he wanted so desperately.  She could at least try.  Tired from all the spent energy and concentrating on the warm liquid nourishment filling her belly the pain slowly subsided until jarring angry thoughts jangled her awake. ~  “What if it isn’t a boy?”  ~ “I don’t want to get pregnant again!”  Everything began to throb intensely.  The walls caved in.  Fear and anger replaced false expectations as she struggled for survival.  And magically, as if she had caused it, the tension released itself but still no answers came.  Only now the forceful flow of warm life, which carried her with it into a world full of pain and pretending.

~ Rebirth ~

Shoulder to shoulder, myriads of people with uplifted glowing faces swung from side to side singing.  The familiar words, “Shine On Me” rang thru open ears, touching on an unexplored place deep in my heart. Two hands crept up past downcast eyes outstretched as if I myself was trying to touch the hem of His garment.

Old familiar pain, pushing and shoving its way to the surface ran ahead of me.  In the past thirty-four years if I carefully swallowed hard I could push every little bit of un-comfortableness into the shadows and forget its existence  . . . but, no more.  It was bigger than me now.  With a guttural moan, the floodgates broke and wave after wave of molten repressed feelings racked the black emptiness and all I could see was . . .

      A picture of a tiny baby girl pulled tightly into a ball with her heart breaking, abandoned, lost and alone.  The pain of watching her became excruciating as I tried to encircle the child with my arms and bring her in towards myself.  Maybe, if I comforted her, my own pain would disappear.  As I cuddled her to myself ~ her sweet face came into view.  She was beautiful.  She was all the things I ever wanted to be.

      And wave after wave of oppression forced new tears to erupt and flow as my heart bled with compassion for a precious child of god I never knew.

     Yet, in the midst of my tears, my Father ~ Mother God held me in loving arms and tenderly said, “I Love you and I am so glad you are here."

And as I was carried back into reality, a voice quietly whispered, “Do what you did before and trust the process.”

~ A New Awakening ~

“Tiny hands touched everything in wonder as a little girl wandered slowly into a wooded glen filled with

flowers and tall grass swaying in a warm breeze.  It wrapped around her like a blanket as it swirled in off a sparkling clear body of water wooing her to itself.  She stood for a few minutes watching her sparkling reflection lovingly as she put on her earth suit and dove in.

            Swimming, floating, giggling, kicking large sprays of water into the air as it fell back splashing.  Almost magnetically the water of everlasting love and amazing grace enveloped her, curiously whispering, Come and join me Gracie, Come and be my precious daughter.

            In a split second the glen changed.  The sun disappeared.  Cold drifts of snow hung from leafless branches transforming the spectrum of beautiful colors into dirty shades of brown.  Warm clear reflective water glazed over as consuming fear, false expectations, and anger jerked her again like an automaton back into the illusion.

            But this time it was different.

A new realization emerged and began to raise itself in newness of life within me and a gentle voice quietly spoke,

Trust me . . .

YOU are so precious to me ~

Feel the ice as you melt into it,

Stand in the Center of my Amazingrace and Mercy ~

Become the water ~ 
filtered with Compassion and Forgiveness

and

Follow Me.

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